Saturday, February 14, 2015

How To Avoid Making Terrible Porn 2: Interruptions

"Dear pornographers, please stop..."

I love porn. I mean, I love porn. But that doesn't mean I love all porn. Or that porn couldn't be better. There's always room for improvement. So here are some suggestions on what you can do to make your porn even better.

How To Avoid Making Terrible Porn 2
How To Avoid Making Terrible Porn 1

Stop the recording if you get interrupted by a phone.

Like, for example, if your cell phone goes off turning the recording. Seriously. Stop recording and start over. And, whatever you do...

Don't check who's calling 

silence the call

then continue on with the clip.

A good rule of thumb would be to turn your phone off before you start shooting. Or put it somewhere other than the room you're shooting in. That way, it won't go off 80% of the way through your clip.

And again, if your phone does ring during a shoot, definitely don't check who's calling while you continue to talk to the camera. That's a garbage move. People are paying for your product - don't rip them off. You fucked up by bringing your phone into the room, so just suck it up and re-shoot your shitty 9-minute clip.

Stop the recording if The Talent does something that distracts from the scene. Like she starts coughing, sneezing, or yawning. Do I really have to tell you this?

Yawning. Fucking yawning. During a clip. It's only 7 minutes long, how hard is it to find 7 minutes where the woman isn't about to fall asleep?
(not a yawning fetish clip, but it should be)

Or, if she starts coughing. You should edit that out or start over. Certainly don't just "play through it" and post it as if it came out the way you wanted.

Nothing gets me hotter than loud, abrasive hacking.

Or if The Talent lets a tremendous fart rip right in the middle of her Cum Eating Instruction clip, go ahead and stop filming. Or edit it out. Pretty much either. Just don't leave the whole thing in.

Especially if she tries desperately to signal you that she wants to stop.

By, like, calling 'time out' over and over.

 That would be a good clue.

Or if The Talent gets distracted by a scab on her knee. Just stop the camera and tell her to stop picking at it. What you shouldn't do is just continue to let her do the clip and then sell it as if there's not this weird zip-popping expedition running through the full length.

At least she's not falling asleep, I guess.

Come on everybody. Porn is great, but together we can make it so, so much better.