Videos 8: ASMR - Cheating Girlfriend

It's been awhile since I linked to ASMR videos with pervy tones. But seeing as tomorrow is Valentine's Day, I thought something special was in order. Last week, I stumbled onto ElleBell ASMR, a newcomer who launched her Youtube channel just five months ago. The first video of her's I saw is the one I've embedded below - "Cheating Girlfriend ASMR Role Play".

A role play of a cheating girlfriend. Just in time for Valentine's. Perfect!

The video is shot as if the camera is a guy who is hitting on her during her date with her boyfriend. She plays coy for a bit before deciding to ditch her boyfriend. She drops some casually humiliating barbs in the direction of her former boyfriend for good measure.

If you've ever wondered what your girlfriend actually sounds like when a superior man hits on her, this is it. Her comments are subtle, cutting, and come very naturally. Nothing too overt, and no dirty language. Instead, it's something rarer - an honest depiction of a girl choosing a better guy over you and tossing you aside.

Happy Valentines's Day!




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Videos 7: "The Lobster"

I recently ran across a new movie called "The Lobster". It's a limited-release dark comedy shot in Ireland. It was shown at both the Cannes Film Festival and the Toronto International Film Festival in 2015, and won a prize at Cannes - so the film itself is worth watching.

But why might it be of special interest to you, dear reader? Let's take a look at the plot description from Wikipedia (click to enlarge, no spoilers):

"Masturbation is banned, but sexual stimulation by the hotel maid, 

without orgasm, is mandatory." 

Yes. Please.

Obviously, this is relevant to my interests. And I'm sure you're wondering who plays The Maid...

"I'm Ariane Labed, and I'll be starring in your fantasies from now on."

"Not even one of them is attractive. Again."

As you might have gathered from her expression above, the whole maid-sturbation (sorry) angle is played dead serious. It's the job of The Maid, and she clearly treats it as such. There's something very hot about how business-like she is as she goes about her duties.

 "Sir will keep his hands to himself."

I won't mislead you, this isn't a huge part of the film. But it's worth checking out if you're in the mood for a dark comedy - or if you're looking for an easy way to bring up tease and denial with your significant other. The Lobster will be released in the US on May 13, 2016.

Videos 6: Halloween Edition - Catwoman & Harley Quinn

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Last year The Mad Eroticist (themaderoticist.tumblr.com, twitter.com/TheMadEroticist) turned me on to ASMR videos. Since then, I've been watching ASMR videos pretty regularly. The ones I like best are the roleplay ASMR videos, for obvious/perverted reasons. About a month ago I stumbled on a video that wasn't just a roleplay ASMR... it was a cosplay ASMR.

"Inky ASMR" did a video where she was Harley Quinn! Complete with pigtails, black lipstick, and adorable insanity. In the video you're Batman - captured and helpless. She threatens and humiliates you in a way that seems so natural to her. It's nothing too overt, just this gloriously subtle disregard for you. "I'm just a gymnast... with a tranquilizer gun. And a baseball bat."






If that wasn't enough, Inky followed that up with a video where she plays Catwoman. Black latex mask, shiny black catsuit, dark red lipstick, and a distinct indifference to your discomfort. And you're her prisoner. Oh, that cold smile. Yes. Please.

Videos 5: Halloween Edition - Zombies!

Happy Halloween, perverts!

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Ok. Now for the pervy Halloween stuff.

Let's talk about zombies for a minute. They're bad news. And what's the best way to deal with the walking dead? Aim for the head, of course. I love watching zombie movies, so when I stumbled across a short video/commercial called "Doing A Weekly Shop In A Zombie Apocalypse" I had to check it out.

But while I was watching, I noticed I was having some inappropriate thoughts. (gasp!) Maybe it was the knee socks. Or the young lady wearing them. Or the cricket bat she was using to slap zombies around. Or the bat was chained to her for safe keeping. Or maybe it was her vinyl running shorts.

I found myself wishing that Buffy The Zombie Slayer would use the bat to teach me a valuable lesson. About zombie-safety or how they like they socks folded. Whatever excuse, really. Spare the rod and all that.

 Who knew I'd spend most of the outbreak drooling?

 Disdain looks the same, even after the apocalypse.

Here comes the pain.

Remember to say "thank you".

Wiggle wiggle wiggle... yeah.

Fair warning, there's some zombie gore in the full video.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I thought this holiday would be a good time to post this video. It has a fantastic message to all of you perverts out there about being a more respectful, less disgusting wanker.

You're welcome.

An Urgent Message to Guys Who Comment on Internet Videos - Cracked.com

Videos 4: Alison Haislip in a Goldilocks costume

All of this talk about Olivia Munn (see my post here) got me thinking about Attack of the Show on G4... Oh, the good old days of Olivia, Alison Haislip and Sara Jean Underwood.

Alison Haislip dressed up as Goldilocks for a parody of the "Red", the sexy update version of Red Riding Hood.

Videos 3: Super Bowl

Did you miss the Super Bowl? Not to worry. Here's what you missed:

Adriana Lima (Victoria's Secret Angel) seductively got ready for her Valentine's Day date before telling the men in the audience that giving flowers can get you laid (she was more elegant about it). Just watch it and imagine that she's talking about giving you the key to your chastity device. Or that she's getting ready for a date with her bull.





FIAT had a commercial where an average guy gets cockteased mercilessly by super model Catrinel Menghia, before she disappeared (and it turned into a boring car commercial). Other than the lame ending, this was awesome.

Videos 2: Nurse Fetish

Do you have a thing for nurses? Well, this certainly isn't going to help!

Alibi vs. Rockefeller - Sexual Healing

Videos 1: Celebs Bumping and Grinding

I stumbled on to this clip from Jimmy Kimmel Live, and thought some of you out there might appreciate it. Assuming, that is, that you're interested in watching Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Minka Kelly, Kelly Ripa, Eva Longoria, Emily Blunt, Sofia Vergara, and Lindsey Lohan hump and grind against giant rubber balls. Oh, that would be of interest to you? Good.

Double click the video to make it go full screen.



Yes, this is just a rip-off of the videos for sale from Stuff4Dudes. But it features so many hot celebrities (who I know you perverts jackoff to), that I figured you'd enjoy seeing them bump and grind!