Monday, January 31, 2011

CBT Captions 21-30

I haven't done any CBT Captions recently... so here are 10 brand new ones for you to enjoy!

Oh, and big welcome to all of you who've come here from my ImageFap galleries and my CuckoldPlace caption thread! If you're seeing my blog for the first time, dig around, let me know what you like, and enjoy!

And if you're a long-time viewer of my blog - don't worry, you haven't missed anything. ImageFap and CuckoldPlace are wonderful, but I'm only posting some of my captions there. The only place to see all of my captions is right here!

Both arms and legs in casts?
You better hope she gets tired of beating your balls quickly...
But I don't think she will!

Better do what Mistress says!

Braces are a great weapon to use against your boyfriend's balls!

As close to a blowjob as you'll ever get.

And it sounded like such a good idea, too.

Shove it in there!

Keep guessing!

Those shoes were made to destroy balls!

Because you don't deserve it!

I think you know...

Friday, January 21, 2011

Cuckold Captions 56-60

Hi, everybody! Here's a quick post of 5 brand new cuckolding captions. That brings us to an even 60 so far! I'm going to try and do them in sets of 10 from now on.

Also, I've tagged all of my posts, so feel free to use those to find captions/stories on my blog.

And be sure to let me know if there's anything in particular you'd like to see here!

Happy birthday, baby!

Your girlfriend is their spit-roast meat...

The homeless man gave your girlfriend a freshly used condom!
Not only was it absolutely filled with his cum, but he
let her blow him until he blew his massive load.
Wasn't that nice of him?

Your tears make her cum harder.

Don't pretend. She knows you love it.

Monday, January 17, 2011

How To Avoid Making Terrible Porn 1

I love porn. Really. I love porn. But that doesn't mean that I love all porn. Or that the porn movies out there couldn't be better. There's always room for improvement. So here are my suggestions on what can be done to maximize the awesomeness of any porn movie.

How To Avoid Making Terrible Porn 2
How To Avoid Making Terrible Porn 1

7) Shooting In Out-Dated Formats/With Out-Dated Equipment
Low-res video?
2 megapixel camera?
Poor lighting?
Digital format that doesn't allow skipping?

Seriously. None of these technical issues should be keeping your viewers from enjoying your final product. It's not the 1990's any more.

There's no reason not to have high-res video and pictures. A 7 megapixel camera is $100 at Best Buy. Can't handle that? Get out of the business, you're cluttering the intrawebbernette with your garbage.

Can't figure out how to take pictures or video so that we can see the girl(s) getting the holy hell gangbanged outta their pooper? Then get out of the way and let someone else do it!

Oh, you want to format your digital video clips so that I can't skip forward to the part I want to see? Well, fuck you. There's a reason that the net is killing porn sales... congrats on being a part of it.

6) Using Any Language Other Than English
Don't bother. I don't care if you do live in a country where people speak a different language... take a second to think about this: Which country has the most people with internet access? Who has disposable income to burn on watching people bang? And what language do they speak? Ok, now go shoot your porn in English.

5) Shooting Outdoors
Hey, guess what? Your audio gear sucks. It does. It's terrible. It'll catch your girl moaning about how hot the cock in her ass is getting her and that's about it. Don't fucking take your shoot outside. I don't want to listen to cars drive by as the girl gets plowed. I don't want to listen to the wind. I sure as hell don't want to hear a plane fly over while the girl gets the Chinese fingercuffs treatment. Knock it off, and film inside so I don't have to listen to a fire truck drive by while I jack off.

4) Pretending It's Real
It was cute when it first started. Whether it was a bus or boat, there was a feeling, however slight, that maybe - just maybe - parts of this were real. And then you started casting well-known pornstars in your "it's totally real!" videos.

Fine. But drop the fucking charade already. It's not real and no one, and I mean no one, believes it is! You're not picking random girls up off the street. That's Jaylynn Sinns. I know her. (Believe me, I know her).

It's not amateur video, so why pretend? Do I want to watch Candy Monroe get pounded by BBC? Hell, yes. Do I want to watch her pretend to be talking to her "boyfriend" beforehand? Um, no. I just watched the infinitely hot Madison Young give him an ass-pounding on Men In Pain. I'm pretty sure he's a pro. So knock it off.

You know how everybody makes fun of porn from the 70's and 80's because of the stupid "plumber comes over to fix the sink" plots? Guess what people are going to make fun of from 90's and 00's porn? That's right... pretending staged scenes were amateur porn.

What's wrong with just having a hot pornstar get some cock? That's all I'm asking.

3) Bringing Up Real Life
Nothing makes me turn off a porn scene faster than having the pornstar start talking about the viewer's (my) family, job, or boss. Seriously, who thought that was a good idea? Why would I want the hot girl I'm jacking off to... to start talking about my boss? Why???

I actually ran into this one just last week. I was watching a regular porn scene - not a cuckolding or humiliation scene or anything - and partway through, the pornstar says, "Wouldn't your mom be proud to see you jacking off to my porn videos like this?" That's a direct quote. Out of a standard, run-of-the-mill, m/f porno. Seriously. Knock that shit off.

Which leads me to #2...

2) Asking Awkward Questions
You know that part at the beginning of a porn scene, where the guy behind the camera asks the pornstar a couple of questions before she gets fucked? Why, why, why can't that guy run the questions by the pornstar before they start filming?

The questions I really mind are the ones that start out, "How old where you when you first..." Seriously. That is some creepy shit. Why would anyone (who's not headed to pedobear prison) want to know how old the hot chick was when she first blew a guy? Invariably, the poor girl tries to answer honestly and ends up skeeving out the viewers with her answer.

Just stick to questions about where she most likes to have cock stuck. Or, better yet, skip the stupid Q&A and just go with the always popular dancing/stripping montage. Please.

1) The "Narrator" Talking Over The Action
This pisses me off to no end.

I get it, you're the guy who runs (for example) a porn site specializing in girls with pigtails and round asses (.com). Good for you. It's a great idea. I like pigtails. And I like round asses. So two points for you. But guess what I don't like? Listening to you, the nasally narrator/pervert talking over the hot girl's performance.

Sure, ask the pornstar a few questions before she gets fucked. (Please, see #2 first) Ask her what gets her hot, what she likes a guy to do to her, blah blah blah. Then SHUT THE FUCK UP.

No one - and I can't emphasize this enough - no one is watching this porn to hear you talk. We don't want to hear you encouraging the guy. We don't want to hear you call for position changes. And we sure as hell don't want to hear your lame jokes. (No, no. Trust me, they're lame)

Are you a pornstar? No. You point a camera and run a website. So shut your damn mouth and let the pro help me get off. You're the friend everyone wishes they'd left at home when they go to the strip club - leering over your shoulder while you're trying to enjoy your lapdance. I've said it before and I'll damn sure say it again: I do NOT need to be hearing your voice right now.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Ass Worship Captions 36-50 MEGAPOST!!!

I'm back with my first ever 15 caption megapost! I got a little... overexcited... and made 15 brand new ass worship captions, bringing the blog up to an even 50 total. Remember to look through the old posts to see related captions - I'm working on tagging all of my posts right now!

A nice weekend vacation.

This is what they mean by "spit shine".

It would help if she would quit rolling over in the sand...

Replaced once she gets to college. Ouch.

You love your work.

Your ass fetish haunts you everywhere you go!

You know this is what models are thinking, right?

Not that you're complaining.

Everything has a price.

You know it will!

You're her public buttkisser!


Grinding up on guys all night gets them really sweaty.

A true tropical paradise!

Keep her ass sparklingly clean for the cameras.
In front of the whole photo shoot crew.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Motivational Captions 21-30

Hi, everybody! Hope you're all having a great new year so far!

Here are 10 brand new "motivational" captions. I haven't done any of these in awhile... I'd forgotten how much fun they are! They cover all kinds of different fetishes, so check 'em out and see what you think.

Chastity surprise!

Hell, I'd watch if they'd let me!


Twice as much teasing. Twice as much humiliation. Twice as much...

This will not end well.

The devil is in the details.

It's even less fun than you'd think.

Seriously. She has a lot of male friends.

I bet you can guess. Right, cuckold?

Feel your balls swell with backed-up cum.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Sissy Captions 41-50

10 brand new Sissy Captions! Enjoy and keep those requests cumming!

Prepare to get face-fucked!

Panty time!

You're a spit-swallower, among other things.

You and your friend are natural cocksuckers!

If you complain, it will only be worse...

Who doesn't want to punish a sissy in pink?

Mmmm... cum!

Don't think you can get out of punishment
just by doing what you're told.

Lots and lots of practice.

Why are you so disgusting?!?